The Me I Never Knew
by vulpixfairy
Summary: Warning: Spoilers for the final volume of the manga and sweet luvin' Summary: A twopart fic that narrates through Ryo's viewpoint as he comes to terms with his growing feelings for his younger partner. Please read and review
1. What Do I Really Want?

Disclaimers: I do not own FAKE by Sanami Matoh and I never will and could!

Author's notes: HELLO! Anybody missed me? (meets with crickets and frogs) oooook, nobody...anyway, I was rereading the last volume of the manga and I just had to write something, this time, in Ryo's POV in the events concerning his emotional conflict with Dee. I hope this will be worth it, people! This is the first part to it, this takes place when Ryo spends the night at Dee's place after the little encounter with Leo.

Warnings: DEFINITELY SPOILERS TO THE MANGA (and dun flame me for it if I din warn u, I explicitly said it in the summary and now!), graphic scenes, fluffiness and romance. Shounen ai CANNOT be flamed here, it's one of the main themes in this manga.

* * *

The Me I Never Knew

What Do I Really Want?

"The next thing I knew, I was standing at the door of your apartment, Dee..."

I could practically feel the intensity of Dee's eyes on me as I took a deep breath to calm my heart and suppress the emotions building up in my heart. Finally I managed a small albeit weak smile as I gazed up to my partner, the man I had grown to care for deeply. His face was unreadable as usual but his eyes said so much more.

"I wanted to see you."

All at once, I could see those emerald irises soften like starlight as concern and gentleness sweep in waves to radiate me in warmth. It was the quiet side I saw in him and I was caught off guard when I could feel his fingers sliding to my neck, softly cupping the nape and pulling me close to his chest. He tucked my hear under his chin and placed his hand on mine. I could smell the familiar musky cologne lingering on his olive tanned skin. I could see how smooth it was...how soft...yet strong it felt...a billowy cushion against my cheek coupled with the half damp towel he had around his neck. The warmth was threatening to overtake my senses. There was no possessiveness or brutality in the embrace, it was just...tender.

I could feel his chin on the top of my head, softly tapping onto my sandy colored locks. My eyes twitched as his lips touched the top locks of my fringe. My lips trembled when he kissed my forehead softly as an angel's feather's touch. Tears materialized at the corner of my eyelids as he trailed the kisses down near my nose.

The events came back full force and the tears threatened to fall unbidden as my emotions nearly broke free of self control. I gritted my teeth to prevent Dee from hearing my impending sobs, but he drew back quickly to see back to see the tears.

"Shhh..."

The sound was barely audible but it spoke volumes that Dee wanted me to break free of the stress of the encounter. My tears finally descended as Dee pulled me for a long kiss fired by his passion, his tenderness and his love. In my mind, it was a dangerous gamble. I can finally face about everything I am and fall further into our intimate bonding or risk and lose everything on what I had believed in, for the sake for this kiss and perhaps...I couldn't ask for more, it would be selfish of me...oh kami sama...his tongue...so hot and wet...

"You are scared that you'll fall head over heels for him, Ryo," I could hear Diana's voice ringing in my subconscious, "That you will have to face everything that you are."

Diana was right. I was scared. Scared to face who and what I truly am. The kiss had ended and I didn't realize that I was lying down among the pillows until I found myself staring up at him. My top has been unbuttoned, when was it unbuttoned? How did his towel end up on my stomach? I didn't care as he lowered himself gently onto me and buried his head in the crook of my neck and shoulder. I sighed and sobbed as I clung onto him as tightly as I could. This felt so right...it couldn't feel wrong to be right. This was where he belonged...in my arms as I was in his. The towel was tangled in my fingers but I paid no heed as I closed my eyes to concentrate on the solid build of Dee's body, protecting me and keeping me warm. I could feel how similar our bodies are. He was hard yet soft, a comfortable weight...we were doing nothing and I could feel his hot breath against the nape of my neck. I shivered at the little touch, it was so sensitive there...

My arms fell to the sides weakly as Dee pulled his upper body up to prop up with his elbows to gaze down at me. Usually I would put a stop to his advances, but not this time, I was too far gone to turn back. I had been searching so much to discover so much about who and what I was...if only I could give in to what I wanted, I could find that answer...

Dee was staring intently at me, waiting for me to make a sign. I gave him the most sincere look I could muster, his green eyes held hesitance, a rare sight to behold.

"Are you sure about this, Ryo?"

It was the cue I was waiting for. There was no time to turn back and I finally gave into the urge...what my body desired and what my heart yearned for...to be bathed in this young man's devotion, kindness and love.

I cupped his face, feeling the silkiness of his black hair, "Yes...one hundred percent sure..."

I looped my arms around his neck to make him lower onto me again. I wanted him to know that I really and truly wanted it. I have finally done it. I wanted him to not hold back and give me what he had offered to me in previous times I refused.

It was slow and so surreal as I watched him remove his clothes and then tend to me. He was a Greek God to my vision, hard muscle and soft and smooth skin blended into one divine being. He kissed me softly as our tongues dueled for gentle dominance. I could feel his hands roving around my shoulders and collarbone. I arched as the top was slowly removed to cover one half of my upper body. I could feel his lips and tongue everywhere to make me break into a feverish sweat and swell further with arousal, they were on my chest, my nipples...my neck and shoulders...going lower...kami!

I felt cold air hitting my legs as the pants were removed. My whole body was limp as a ragged doll as Dee pleasured me in more ways than one. Finally I could make sense about all the things that were Dee...the intensity of his beautiful green eyes, how they were capable of holding emotion...I moaned softly as he spread my legs and encased me below in a wet molten heat, I could feel his fingertips on my skin as they skimmed across to make me whimper and beg for more of his gentle touches. I grabbed onto the comforter, a feeble anchor to reality as my body increased in temperature threatening to make me burst.

Cold air hit me suddenly as Dee pulled himself to kiss me as he held down my arms, pressing me hard against the bed, sliding in between my legs to anchor upon my lower body. I whimpered and fidgeted below him as he forcefully pushed his tongue into my mouth, I could taste a mild essence of tobacco on his lips that always dangled the butt of a cigarette. I would've been disgusted but it made me more aroused than ever. I finally got the hint to wrap his legs around his strong hips as he shifted against me, causing electric bolts of sensation to attack me to bend in a bow. Through the shifting, we initiated a gyrating rhythm as he thrust down onto me. Over his shoulders, I could see the moon in all its blue silvery glory in the night sky through the window frame, illuminating it like a real life photograph.

I was pushed back to reality as more sensations jolted through me as Dee held me steadily. He spread my legs wider and began to play my body like a gifted musician lovingly playing his instrument. It was all a blur of sweet wet warmth, mixed with pain of breaching and darkness. I cried out and moaned with him as we danced through the night on the bed. I could only cling onto to what my hands could find and hold on. Dee was my lifeline, my solid ground, my shoulder to cry on...

I didn't know how long it lasted but the sensations were beautiful to experience, and I felt that this was more than just having physical contact and passion. It was something that held and was so much more and I prayed that Dee felt the same.

We were pushed over the edge almost simultaneously and exhaustion easily crept into our sated bodies. My body felt numb and heavy but I was sure I had a smile on my face when we finished. I could hear Dee softly gasping above me, his arms embracing me as I could feel the heavy comforter covering our bodies accompanied by the familiar approach of sleepiness...

* * *

The sun woke me up slowly, giving me enough time to clarify myself where I was. The first thing I saw was the familiar crown of silky black locks tickling my nose, and my arms were embracing the strong young man who was sleeping beside me. I pushed myself up on my elbows to gaze down at him. It made my heart burst with serenity and happiness as I took in the beautiful sight before me. His soft and peaceful breathing was simple music of heaven as he slept within the circle of my arms. Why didn't I learn to appreciate of who Dee truly was? Why couldn't I really give myself more time to get to know him more than knowing that he was an orphan and an obnoxious yet courageous cop? 

What Dee had shown me the night before made me realize on how big a part he was in my life. He was the center of my world and I could see myself living with him for the rest of my life in the future. My heart was beating strongly as I have come to the revelation that what I felt towards Dee was more than just friends...it was something more...I would say that it was close to love.

The revelation made me smile that it would made my heart burst into sparkles and I felt a strange peace I hadn't felt before.

But now would not be the right time to tell him just yet...we still had a case to run and it would be better if I told him the truth under better circumstances, perhaps when this one was to be solved double time. Slowly and carefully so that I wouldn't disturb him, I quickly dressed up in my clothes, took a piece of paper from a scrap pile and wrote down a short note for him to read when he woke.

Combing his hair softly, I kissed his forehead gently and left the apartment silently to return to my own abode to clean up before meeting up with Diana.

I more or less came to accept who and what I was...I knew that what I felt for Dee was way beyond the boundaries of friendship and close akin to love...now it's a matter of time when my heart would truly help me confess the deepest and most secret confession I held for the young man who had changed my life:

"I love you, Dee..."

Owari for the first part


	2. What Happens From Here?

Disclaimers: I do not own FAKE by Sanami Matoh and I never will and could!

Author's note: This is it, part two, the final for this little collection. This piece takes place when Dee and Ryo were at the bridge near the end of the final volume thru Ryo's POV.

Warnings: as previously quoted in the first part - 'DEFINITELY SPOILERS TO THE MANGA (and dun flame me for it if I din warn u, I explicitly said it in the summary and now!), graphic scenes, fluffiness and romance. Shounen ai CANNOT be flamed here, it's one of the main themes in this manga.'

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The Me I Never Knew

What Happens From Here?

_Three weeks later:_

"Hey Ryo, can I ask you...well...an odd question?"

It was the strange tone that caught my attention as I stared at the beautiful city landscape. It sounded soft and hesitant, definitely not the brash side of Dee. I smiled at Dee's profile and turned to him.

"Sure, what is it?"

"The other night...are you positively sure that's what you wanted?"

That really caught me off-guard. I didn't expect him to remember that night when we did it in his apartment after the emotional encounter. My heart skipped a beat as I observed him. I could see the emotional conflict in his eyes and as so clearly seen in his tense body language. He turned to look at me, agitation was clearly marring his face.

"I mean...well...was it...was it regrettable for you? Because I don't, I mean I don't regret it and all. Be...because it was more than just...you know for me! I love you, Ryo. I truly and seriously love you and...shit...I mean this was your first time and you've been through so much that night that it must make you...I dunno, emotionally tired. Maybe it's one of those things that just come spontaneously and then living to regret it. I'd hate to think that I took advantage of you and forced you to do it when you were in your weakest moments and..eurgh..."

All this while, I listened to his stammering as his tone became varied in tone as his pitch synchronized with his impending worry and fear on his face. Mother was right, Dee often trouble voicing his thoughts coherently when they concerned with other people he cared for. My heart quickened its beating, Dee truly understood how I felt that night. He loved me and he was completely devoted to my feelings and concerns and he was treating them as his top priorities. He was serious after all and his sincerity truly touched me. I watched as Dee gritted his teeth struggling to continue what he was trying to voice out. He released a defeated sigh and waved a hand towards me.

"Arrgh...man...just forget it, forget what I said..."

Dee placed his hand on his face while he shook his head, muttering under his breath. The sight broke my heart. I couldn't leave him in the dark anymore, it was time I braved myself and spoke what my heart had finally mustered. I've accepted who I was and I couldn't be a coward to turn back into my old conventional self. That was the past. What I saw before me, this young, thick-headed, obnoxious yet the kindest, bravest and sweetest man I came across was my future I could be with.

"Then this is when I say that I love you too."

I could see Dee's green eyes widen at my confession, his hand slipped from his face and he stared at me in disbelief. Our eyes met, green to dark brown. I maintained eye contact, my hand stationary on the rail. My voice was surprisingly clear as crystal as words tumbled out of my mouth with clarity.

"And it wasn't just a thing that happened spontaneously and I don't regret it," I wanted to be sure that he heard me clearly, "I love you, Dee...more than anything else in the world."

Dee was still staring at me with the same disbelief on his face. I smiled softly at his blank expression and moved in front of him. His eyes were trained on me, watching my every movement, disbelief transforming into amazement as I found myself tugging onto his coat. All at once, I could finally revel in his masculine beauty illuminated by the street lights and highlighted and integrated in the city scenery.

"Dee? Mind if I can kiss you?"

The amazement on his face was lit by his trademark smirky smile that I found endearing. He pulled me closer as he straightened himself up to lean over me.

"Not at all..."

I slowly reached up to cup his face as our faces slowly closed the distance and our lips touched softly with each other. Instead of the electrifying buzzes from Dee's previous advanced kisses in the past, I felt a slow warmth building up in my body and through our souls. It definitely felt so much more. It was definitely more than passion and lust...it was love. We basked in its glow as we continued to kiss under the street light...

* * *

"Uhn...ahh..." 

Our kiss was a long battle for dominance as I heard Dee slam the front door of my apartment, obviously trying to lead us back into my bedroom. Our clothes were in disarray and our shoes and jackets were on the floor and couch, left forgotten. I was momentarily in a quirk of fear at the mess we created but it was immediately pushed back into the dark recesses of my mind as Dee roughly continued to ravage me, the heat of his skin and the wetness of our tongues increasing the ever-growing passion between us.

"Dee, be careful! Don't trip...ooh...ahhh...on the rug and...aahh-hah...the door!"

I warned Dee to be careful where he was leading us. But through the heated kiss, I nearly got all my thoughts jumbled out...however, I didn't really care, much to my surprise, I was beginning to grow addicted to Dee's touches and kisses that made me crave for more. We eventually broke the kiss and our panting of our hot breaths warmed each other's face, fanning our desires. I found myself leaning on the dresser's edge with Dee trapping me and gazing at me with bright and intense green eyes. I briefly looked at our states, our tops were threatening to fall off our bodies and I could really see how well built my new koibito was. I recalled the afternoon kiss up on the roof earlier that afternoon, and I found myself comparing them. The thought of it made me giggle and Dee looked at me strangely.

"What are you laughing at?"

"I was just remembering the kiss you gave me on the roof that afternoon, it was totally different."

"Huh?"

"It was like...you were trying to forget me...you were really out of it..." I tried to point out.

"Hey! That was only because that I thought that you were..." Dee's ranting faded away. It made me concerned.

"What?"

"Oh screw it! Forget the misunderstandings, let's get the show on the road and I'll show you what I'll do to you!" Dee's enthusiasm jumped back on cue but his excitement got me in a frenzy as he tackled us onto the bed.

"ACK!" I squawked with indignity as we landed on the soft mattress among the comforter and the pillows. He pinned me underneath him and he had a strange expression on his face that made me even more uncomfortable yet aroused at the same time...weird and scary combination..."Hey...are you alright? Maybe you-"

"Enough, slave! I told you that we get over the misunderstandings!"

In a flash, I screamed as I instantly felt my pants and underwear disappear like magic, making me even MORE embarrassed. I tried to scramble away to not let him see my state but he locked behind me and grabbed my waist. My flush instantly darkened and the heat returned back into my body. I fidgeted as his fingers tried to search for my source of discomfort and painful arousal. I was at a disadvantage...a very very bad disadvantage...this was all too soon, too fast!

"W-Wait! Dee, I'm not ready!" I protested, trying in vain to get his hands away from my sensitive areas.

"You don't have to be!" Dee countered as I whimpered and wriggled, "And you have used all the timeouts for this half."

I shuddered and moaned softly when I felt his hand wrap around me in searing heat. I fidgeted against him as I felt him nuzzle against my neck and shoulder.

"Now it's time for fun, fun, fun!" Dee chanted to me as he wrapped his arms around mine.

I struggled to hear what Dee was saying and eventually nodded my head, kami-sama...the heat...so good and hot...need..."G-Got it...ahhh...what do you mean by 'fun, fun. fun'?

I shivered when Dee's tongue licked on my neck, leaving fiery sparkles in its path. The touch alone would've been enough to send me over the edge if only Dee wasn't...ah-hah! Oh Kami...I couldn't even get my mind straight..."I don't think we had it in our hearts to enjoy our first time, Ryo, don't you think?" Dee's voice was hot yet it was laced with regret. It made me faltar for a moment as I tried to catch my breathe as his hands teased and played with me to no end...

"Y-Yeah...ahhh...uhh...s-sorry..."

"Don't be, idiot..." Dee's soft voice fanned my already sensitive neck where Dee's tongue was...cold and hot...ah..."That's how it has to be."

I cried out as he gripped me harder. I could feel his fingertips on me, everywhere...ah-ha! uh!...cupping me below and caressing my stomach and my inner thighs...no...so hot everywhere...I tried to retain a hold on reality as I gripped onto his knees, my body twisted at very angle. I wanted the heat to go away yet I welcomed it...

"Sometimes, it's necessary to sort out your feelings, but now this is different, you have come to accept who and what you are...you sorted out your feelings..."

I managed a weak nod and whimper as Dee finally slowed down his ministrations. I leaned back against his chest, nuzzling my head underneath his chin as he continued me to massage me into such a hard state that I could burst with a single touch or lick. Before long, too weak to battle against the attacking sensations, I felt myself lowered onto the comforter on my side. My body was hot and sweaty and the building pool of desire on my lower body wasn't helping me at ease...it was so painful...yet so good. Dee's hands never left my lower body. I breathed heavily in anticipation and fear of what was to come...it looked like this round would be rough.,.

"B-But I...I'm not used to this...not yet...ahhh..." I moaned softly as the flames of desire licked my body.

"Don't worry, dude..." Dee's voice was low, predatory and dangerous... "I do..."

I shivered and twisted again when I felt a sudden dampness around...down there. I buried my head as far as I could onto the comforter, I tried to struggle but Dee held down my hips, preventing me from moving...the heat...ah...it's nearly too much!

"This is it..." Dee was right behind me, his pants were loud and domineering and hot. I felt his body on my back and I groaned at the wet contact, "Ready or not, here I come, I've finally know how you feel for me and I will not hold back...no reservations whatsoever..."

He leaned down to my ear and licked its globe, making me shiver...

"I love you Ryo and I'll promise you this: I may be thick-headed but I will NEVER lose you to another!"

His passionate plea was punctuated by AH! I felt a sudden pain down my backside as Dee made a swift entry...

"You see! I'm not holding back!"

My reply was only a loud groan. It was rough, yes...but kami...my koibito...

"Bliss...ah..." Dee carefully pulled me up to his chest and I found myself on fours as his arms went around me, "Absolute bliss..."

Before long, Dee and I were falling into another perfect synchronized rhythm as he continued to pleasure me in more ways than one as I basked in his heat, love and passion. Now I knew I could never turn back as we revelled in each other's heat and among our pants, groans, moans and whispered confessions...

* * *

"I'm thirsty, want me to get you something, Ryo?" 

I raised an annoyed eyebrow with him as I buried myself on my bed, not liking the twinge of pain down my lower body, "Not to be offended but this is MY apartment, I could have offered something if you had asked and not the other way round."

"Hey, I was only trying to be nice. Offer as you like but at the rate, I don't think you can stand up or walk."

"And whose fault is that, baka!" the cheeky smile on his face makes me aggravated and annoyed...kuso!

"So what'll it be? H20?"

We fell into a deep silence and the annoyance towards him melted away into oblivion. I didn't feel thirsty anymore. I gazed at him with renewed love as I smiled at him and shook my head.

"Nothing for now..."

"Huh? What do you mean by that?" A blank stare was all I got and my smile grew wider.

Dee looked so kawaii when he looked like that, I clarified my answer.

"I meant that right now, I just want you to be beside me."

"Yup, that sounds good...but..." Dee suddenly pounced on me, making me squawk yet again, "How's about letting ME be on TOP?"

"Get off me, you ape! You're too heavy!" we wrestled on the bed for a while before we faced each other, "Although...I guess it doesn't really matter now...koibito..."

I watched Dee's eyes sparkle and soften. He cupped my face gently and combed my hair. I looped my arms around him and pulled him for another kiss which I initiated this time. He kissed back enthusiastically and I was truly feeling better than the previous years...

So I have reached out and took what I wanted, what I truly yearned for...to be loved by this man in my arms. It'll definitely be hard for Bikky to fully accept Dee as he was going to be a crucial part of my life but I thought that it would be okay given time. And getting Aunt Elena and Uncle Rick an explanation...that would come later...and the office...well, knowing Dee, he'd make a statement about it to ensure our relationship was clear...although I still needed time to get used to it, it's something that I was looking forward to...

But there was one thing certain...

From now on...I'll be the me I never knew...

OWARI (FOR REAL!)

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Hope it din spoil for u guys but I did warn u. Hope u like this fic I'll try to keep up with my writing while I am working on my anime art 

Ja!


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